It feels like it's been months of me thinking: Do I go? Do I stay?
Since December, I've had a few days of "I want to go home now!" followed by days of "I could really imagine staying longer..."
In December, I decided I needed a measure, a way to figure out whether to stay or leave. I decided I would stay until I said, "It's time to go home!" for a solid week. Perhaps a solid week would have appeared much sooner, had it not been for the pololo who loves me here. It's hard to sift through the complications of loving someone but still not being able to imagine living forever in his country.
In the end, it was merely several conversations with my friends and family in English that made me realize that, when I thought about returning home, I was excited. When I thought about staying, I wasn't.
Perhaps after a few months back in the U.S., I'll come to my senses and return to South America for more adventures. Perhaps...
More likely, my big adventures will now be in English, in California, and very ordinary (although, some might say ordinary is merely a state of mind).