The Cable Time Warp

Cable is death to all art. Creativity is often born out of boredom. And well, how can you be bored with 1000 channels? I remember missing TV like missing a friend when I went to Chile and started living in the house with no TV. So now, it's like getting reaquainted...only now, my TV friend has gotten so much more interesting with cable!

Here are the shows I've gotten hooked on:

1. Ruby--a reality show about a 500 lb woman on a weight-loss journey. This appeals to me because I studied (and just passed!) to become a personal trainer. I'm most interested in working with obese clients so I wanted to know details on how I could possibly help them better.

2. What Not to Wear--I think I maxed out on this episode cuz they kind of say the same thing when you watch 20 in a row. Most women look better in a straight/wide leg jean, trousers should not have pleats, v necks for bust women, wider shoulder straps for supportive bras. Unfortunately, this hasn't inspired me enough to actually buy anything...I'm in desperate need of more clothes but I just can't bring myself to enter a clothing store. Literally, the clothes are falling apart as I'm wearing them...but so far, motivation is minimal. I need a personal shopper who will dress me without charging me a cent...like a fairy godmother only with a mastercard.

3. Dog Whisperer--Ceasar is magical...and kind of cute (don't tell Pollo I said this).

4. NCIS--quirky show, a little mystery with a little laughter. Good stuff.

5. Locked Up Abroad--My dad got me hooked on this show. What I've learned from it: never try to bring drugs into the country...and never accept a "gift" bag from a shady character...or even a nice character. And if something smells weird on your bag, it's probably the glue they used to seal the seams where the cocaine is now hiding. Stab your bag several times with a knife. If white powder comes out...do not take this bag with you on the plane! Words of wisdom people!

6. Tots and Tiaras--okay, this one weirds me out. Little girls dressing up to look like 18 year olds. Before their transformation, they have stringy girly hair, gaps in their teeth, little girl raggedy finger nails, bruises on their legs from climbing trees and pretending to be animals. They're little girls!

After, they're these smiling plastic dolls with hair pieces to make their hair look fuller, false teeth to cover the natural gaps of missing baby teeth, fake nails, spray-on tans, makeup that makes them look sexy at 7, ew, ew, ew! I watched this show Taboo about a ritual where women were whipped with sticks as a rite of passage for their male relatives. Our ritual of making little girls into sexy women at 7 is just as sickening.

7. Bachelorette--I admit it. I've always loved the Bachelorette. I watched the first one with Trista. I'm glad it's not on all the time or my Monday nights would be taken for the rest of my life.

For awhile, cable was threatening to take over completely. But I've turned over a new leaf. What a great reminder that TV, though fascinating, is not always fulfilling. But don't get me wrong...I'm turning it off completely because let's face it, I've got to get my TV viewing in now. In one month, I'm going cold turkey off TV when I head back to Chile.

Ddon't even get me started about the fact that there aren't any sofas, chocolate chip cookies and donuts in Chile--I'm going to have a sofa-loving, chocolate-chip and donut eating, TV watching day on the 13th of September, I swear!